Smugness

Is it acceptable to feel smug when you hear a song about a break up and moving on?

The definition for smug is - Exhibiting or feeling great or offensive satisfaction with oneself or with one's situation; self-righteously complacent.

 Let me explain myself.  I was listening to the radio on the way to work this morning and I am sure this will not come as a surprise to anyone, but the radio station I listen too plays a lot of Adele.  I am nearing 40, so I am in the right demographic for Adele, 80’s flash backs and ads for baby products and investment seminars.  Often when I turn my radio on while having breakfast they kindly play hits from the 80’s.  I love the 80’s.  In the past weeks, I have been woken up with Manic Monday (which was appropriately played on a Monday – it really annoys me when they play this song on any other day), Wake Me Up Before You Go Go, and Footloose (which is an all-time favourite of mine and will get me up and dancing no matter where I am).

I digressed, so  Adele is played a lot – but I don’t mind, I like her – I even purchased her album last year.  I loved her Rolling in the Deep song, but I have to say my favourite Adele song is Someone like you.  I love the lyrics -

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

I love them because they make me feel smug.   I have  "the smug look of a toad breakfasting on fat marsh flies" (William Pearson) when I hear this song.

I sing this song at the top of my voice and with more passion than Adele (or maybe just louder and more off key than Adele) and I imagine myself in a film clip for the song – that is showing my Husband and I sitting in front of a fire with our daughter when we hear a knock at the door and it is Adele – who is in my fantasy film clip as my husbands ex (I need to state for the record that my Husband did not date Adele and this is all purely in my head).  In my head she is begging him to come back to her and he is saying no thanks – I am happily married now with a  family.  I sit there all smug in the film clip or in the car or at my desk, where ever I hear the song – thinking yes – I am the one that made his dreams come true – I was the one that could give him the things she couldn’t!

I feel so smug when I hear the song.  But occasionally I wonder what my husband's ex would think when she heard this song – would she be thinking that nasty girl that stole him away from me and married him?  Again for the record, they had broken up way before we meet and I have never met her – but of course in my mind she is a horrible, evil, nasty thing that is obviously very stupid for giving up such a great guy.

I also wonder if this song had been released when I was single or still in the eating nothing back chocolate ice cream in my PJs through my salty tears phase of a break up – would this song have made me sad or even angry – thinking that there is someone out there that could give a guy something that I couldn’t.

I have had some exs and even though you think it is the end of the world when you break up – you have to admit if you were meant to be together you wouldn’t be breaking up – so I think Adele has expressed this very well – everyone breaks up for a reason.  But gee at the time of a break up – you don’t see it like that.

Her line about I hoped that if you had seen my face you would be reminded.  How many times have we and I know it is just not me, sat there eating the chocolate ice cream plotting a way to get them back – trying to remember their schedule to accidently on purpose turn up on the same train as them or the same pub – in hope that they just need to see you to remember and then it will all be ok.  I have realised that if you have to plot or over think it then the relationship was not worth it.

But this brings me to my next thought which has plagued me for years.  Do we get so upset when there is a break up because we truly believe the relationship shouldn’t break up or is it the fear of failure or simply our egos.  Is it the humiliation of having to tell people to use those words – we broke up or I am now single which crushes our ego?  Or are we truly sad and believe that we should remain together?

If a relationship is bad enough to cause a break up – for whatever reason, shouldn’t we just let it go and move on rather than trying to protect our egos and pride.

I think there are probably a lot of realtionships that stay together for ego protection and to avoid what is perceived as humiliation rather than staying together for love.

Suprisingly I don’t have a lot of time on my hands these days with my daughter, but give me a great song to dissect and I will do it – it is like reading poetry and discussing it, only I just like the songs that make me dance, cry or feel smug.

I also like the song “I like big butts, and I can not lie” – that one makes me feel smug if I imagine my husband singing it!